Canon: Remove if not applicable.Michael had yet to notice that J was there.
But it wasn't surprising. The hacker was completely absorbed in a computer program foreign to J, fingers rapidly moving across the keys without faltering.
J came into the room near half an hour ago now, going by unnoticed despite not trying to hide his presence, or being completely silent. That was how absorbed Michael was. He could get very absorbed in his work. But then he was not on high alert regarding his surroundings at all times, like J was. Or perhaps it was simply that J was hyper aware, rather than Michael being unusually unaware.
Perhaps, it was that the level of trust that they could feel toward another person was so different that they wouldn't normally be on each others radar, if not for Michael's having been assigned to J's command, now a couple years ago.
J trusted Michael though.
At least. To a degree.
He never could trust anyone completely, had never been able to, not since that day when he was very young, when he was told that Mother had abandoned him. Probably not even before it either.
Ever since then, the last pieces of trust left within him had been torn to minimal shreds.
J felt something touch his leg and looked down. Cold eyes gleamed in the light from the computer screens and he met the cat's gaze.
So he wasn't the only one unable to sleep, deciding to pay their hacker a visit.
Michael had work to do in preparations for a job, and Cain was awake, keeping watch in another part of the rented apartment, but J and the cat could sleep freely, just as Abel and Jacob were. If they wanted to. If they could.
She took the distance between the floor and the bed with one leap, leisurely stepping into J's lap and she started pawing at his pajama pants, prickling his thighs with her claws.
He wasn't bothered by it though. The brief pinpricks of pain from the sharp claws were almost welcome.
They were a distraction.
Because he wanted to trust Michael. More than he did. He wanted to trust all of them more.
But he was afraid. So terribly afraid.
Because trust was so easily taken advantage of. So easily broken.
He didn't want to be torn asunder again, after so much time and effort to piece himself back together as best he could.
He would never be whole, he knew that, because he was like a complicated puzzle which had had many pieces burned, unable to be restored to its original state.
But he also thought that it was fine to trust Michael more than others. He had been different from the start, different from the cultists, different from his family, different from the masses littering the streets. Different from the other three, too. But he liked them too, now. At the start... They had been so focused on things that he didn't like, didn't care for. But things were better now. Much better.
"J?"
"Oh, are you finished?"
Michael watched him where he sat half twisted on the swivel chair. Watched him stroke the cat with an absent stare in his eyes.
"I suppose. You're not asleep?"
J hummed thoughtfully. "Guess not."
Michael sighed, and got up. Walked over to J.
He picked the cat out of his lap. She protested, for some reason she didn't get too well along with Michael. But it was sort of amusing. Right now J wasn't laughing though. He was tired and his own feelings were crushing him, twisting inside him with different wishes. Wishes opposite of each other, clashing and battling inside his head.
Unbearable.
The cat hissed as Michael dropped her onto the ground in the hallway. He didn't see her sneak back into the room, her tail just barely missing getting the door closed on it. J saw it, but he said nothing. He still felt a bit vacant. Outside of himself, in a way.
Then he was pulled to his feet by the hacker, and lead to the head of the bed. "Just sleep here then," Michael said, and J stood hovering by the headboard. Michael sighed again and when he returned he had changed into lighter clothes, a tshirt and some sweatpants. He made J sit down in the bed, then pushed him to lie down. He stepped into the bed and over him, lied down there beside him. "You're so troublesome. Go to sleep, J. Stop overthinking things all the time."
J turned his head to look at him, and noticed that Michael was instantly asleep. Amazing, in a way. The cat realized it too, and jumped up. J nuzzled her fur when she lied down beside his head, and her purr was a soft engine. Michael's breath was heavy and soothing.
Trust was a difficult thing. J knew that well.
But if he could gather the courage, he was willing to give it a try.